They really do love these traits, but they’re soooo hard to find.
I was at a bar with my guy friends, who were basically decrying how hard it is to find the right girl for them. Me, being cynical as I am, said that they should consider looking at heavier women. After all, back when I was fat, guys didn’t approach me despite me being pretty darned awesome.
Typically, guys just roll their eyes at my Nice Girl remarks, but this time, my guy friend, Steve, actually stopped me in my tracks.
“Ossiana, do you honestly think that a thin waistline is all we look for in women?” he asked.
I nodded, “From personal experience, yes. Guys never approached me when I was fat, why would I think otherwise?”
“You know,” said Steve. “I know guys are shallow, but so are girls. Looks are the first thing we notice, and we can’t really change that. We’re wired that way. But here’s the thing: for most guys, packaging only goes so far.”
He then explained to me that there’s a lot that guys wish they could find in a girl before they marry, but due to the current way things are, they can’t. According to both Steve and my other friend Leo, here’s what men want in a woman; commitment-worthy traits they rarely actually find.
1. Spmeone who makes them feel like a man.
I didn’t quite understand what guys mean when they say this, so here’s the truth of it. Leo explained it as the feeling that equates to strength, confidence, virility, and of course, esteem. Guys want to feel like they are “The Man,” not just a man. They want a girl who can make them feel special and make them feel like they’re conquering someone.
2. A challenge.
You wouldn’t want to date someone who is a total doormat, would you? Probably not. That’s why most people who are super-nice don’t end up with people who respect them. The problem is that most people are socialized to believe that being nice wins people over. That’s only half the truth because being genuinely nice and yet assertive is what wins people over.
3. A woman who can cook.
I’ve written tons about this topic, but the fact is that it can’t be stressed enough. Every single guy I’ve spoken to about the subject adore a woman who can cook. But sadly, due to the way life is these days, finding a girl who cooks regularly is extremely hard.
4. A woman who presents herself in a socially acceptable manner.
I know this isn’t politically correct to say, but what men want in a woman is a “trophy wife” who behaves in ways that are deemed “feminine” and “acceptable” by social standards. I know this because my masculine tendencies and wild antics have turned off guys from having long-term relationships with me.
However, I want to point out that what’s considered socially acceptable can change, depending on what circles you go in. That being said, most guys don’t want the girl who will make a scene no matter where she goes.
5. A woman who has a familiar vibe to her.
Speaking from personal experience, I’ve noticed that most men love the idea of the wild, exotic free spirit, but they’ll never settle down with her. There is indeed some truth to men wanting someone like their mother. After all, most people do want to recreate things from their childhood lifestyle in their own adult family as well.
6. A woman who has interests that are beyond what’s going on in Hollywood.
A big complaint I’ve gotten from guy friends is that most of the girls they meet are, well… boring. As Steve put it, “Most girls I talk to either will only talk about what they saw on TV, what fashion is in, or whatever is considered trendy right now. If I wanted to listen to those topics 24/7, I’d have subscribed to a pop culture magazine. Oh, and they may vent about friends, too. That’s about it. I’m so bored of it.”
7. A woman who’s willing to take responsibility for her own emotions, draw boundaries when need be, and have the strength to put her foot down.
Most guys, save for the White Knight crew, do not want to date a classic damsel in distress. They don’t want to have to “save the day” or be responsible for another person’s happiness. If you’re emotionally healthy and practice emotionally healthy things, that’s a huge plus in most books.
8. A woman who exudes kindness and gentleness.
Here’s the thing that most guys are aware of: truly, genuinely kind people are rare. If you have that trait, guys will take notice more often than not.
9. A woman who is alive and happy.
A sunny personality is super-attractive, regardless of what gender you are. If you’re always on the move, vivacious, and funny, then you probably are getting a lot more attention than someone as bitter as I am.
10. A woman who they can be themselves around them, and vice versa.
Have you ever been in a room with a person who you literally could just feel them secretly judging you? Or, have you ever spoken to someone who you really couldn’t figure out what the real person behind their smile was? It’s a really tense, uncomfortable feeling.
Unfortunately, a lot of us don’t feel like we can be ourselves around people, and that tends to make us give off that vibe. When a guy feels this, he runs. Can you really blame him, though?
11. A woman who can hold her own, career-wise.
Most men resent the idea of a woman who only wants to date them based on their income. If you don’t want to keep a career after dating him, there’s a chance he’ll end up dumping you. Be your own person, and chances are you’ll attract a better level of people and a lot more respect.